she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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