Kiss
Puke
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
