This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
