so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
