how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
