I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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