I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
