NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
