Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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