Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
don't judge my taste in strippers
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
