id be glad to
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
