Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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