Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
