I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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