I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
