hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
