My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
