So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
