i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
