oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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