the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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