She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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