hell yes lets make some ravioli
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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