Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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