i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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