i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
