this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
