Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
