He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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