I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
