Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize