By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
