You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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