Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
