Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
