You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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