I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
