I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
