Umm I'm too high to move.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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