It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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