She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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