the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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