Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
