I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You are a genius and a whore.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
