a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
