If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
