I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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