Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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