i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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