Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
