Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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