I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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