Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
