You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
