so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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