I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
