id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
