She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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