I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
