I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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