My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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