My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
