a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
