So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
