Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
