You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
