I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
