Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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