things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
