if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
