im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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