i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
