I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
