haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
