I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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