Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
