Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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