its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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