wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
