i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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