She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
