he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
