Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
