i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
